By Amanda Hofman, Chief Swag Officer and Branded Merchandise Expert

👩🏻‍⚖️ Swag Court is now in session. Today’s case: the infamous drawstring backpack.

🚨 The Crime:

Plastic drawstring backpacks featuring logos the size of Nebraska.

They crinkle. They creak. They dig into your shoulders like you’ve done something to deserve it. And worst of all? They haunt hotel room closets long after the conference ends—unclaimed and unloved.

🔎 The Evidence:

• Material: Flimsy plastic. Loud enough to be heard across the convention floor.
• Design: Overwhelming logos and little consideration for actual usability.
• Fate: Forgotten. Abandoned. Destined for donation piles and dust bunnies.

Let’s be honest: these aren’t brand-building promotional products. They’re clutter with a drawstring.

⚖️ The Verdict: Guilty

Criminally loud. Questionably useful. And 100% not the impression you want your branded merch to leave.

🔥 The Sentence:

The offender must pace the silent aisles of a library wearing a plastic drawstring backpack over a full nylon sweatsuit. The swish will be deafening. The wrath of cardigan-clad patrons? Swift and severe.

What This Says About Swag That Misses

When branded merchandise doesn’t consider comfort, quality, or audience, it becomes the punchline—not the promotion. Drawstring backpacks are the ultimate example of what happens when you choose swag based on cost and volume, not brand alignment and user experience.

What to Do Instead: Choose Useful, Thoughtful Swag

Great custom swag doesn’t just carry things—it carries your brand story. You want people to actually use the merch, not laugh at it or leave it behind.

Here’s what makes swag actually work:

• 🎒 Functional – Is it useful in real life? Will they reach for it again?
• 🎯 On-brand – Does it reflect your aesthetic, values, and voice?
• 💡 Delightful – Is it a pleasant surprise, or just another forgettable freebie?

Build a Swag Strategy That Wins Every Case

If your promotional products are guilty of being forgettable, it’s time to upgrade your approach. Choose items that spark conversation, enhance experience, and make people feel connected to your brand.

Because when swag is done right, it doesn’t just carry your logo—it carries meaning.

What’s your ruling?
Is the drawstring backpack innocent or guilty in your book?
And what’s the worst swag item you’ve ever received? (Bonus points for photos.)