By Amanda Hofman, Chief Swag Officer and Branded Merchandise Expert

Order in the court. Today’s case is one we’ve all seen before—lurking in desk drawers, trade show totes, and onboarding kits everywhere.

🚨 The Crime

Branded stress balls.
Yes. Still.

And let’s be precise here. The classic foam stress balls? Absolute trash. The squishy gel ones? Marginally more satisfying, but still… trash. Neither deserves a place in a modern branded merchandise strategy.

🔎 The Evidence

Exhibit A: a logo-stamped orb that lives exactly one of three very predictable lives:

• It explodes inside a desk drawer
• It becomes mysteriously sticky (no one knows how or why)
• It’s thrown away within 48 hours

This is not brand longevity. This is a speed run to the landfill.

➕ Bonus Offense

Branded stress balls have zero meaningful connection to your brand story, your values, or the actual lived experience of the people you’re trying to impress. Calling them “wellness swag” doesn’t magically make them thoughtful, useful, or memorable.

⚖️ The Verdict

Guilty.
Of pretending to be wellness, wasting branded merchandise budgets, and contributing to unnecessary promo waste.

🔥 The Sentence

You must personally explain to every single recipient why this was the best possible use of budget, creativity, and resources. (Good luck.)

The Bigger Problem with Cheap Promotional Products

Here’s the hard truth: stress balls don’t reduce stress.
They just remind people you didn’t try.

In a world where branded merchandise is supposed to build brand affinity, create emotional connection, and extend your brand beyond the moment—stress balls fail on every count. They’re forgettable, disposable, and completely interchangeable with every other company that ordered promo products in a rush.

And if your branded swag doesn’t reflect intention, quality, or relevance, it’s not marketing—it’s clutter.

The Appeal: Better Branded Merchandise Choices Exist

Thoughtful branded merchandise should:

• Be useful or delightful (ideally both)
• Reflect your brand values
• Last longer than a couple of days
• Make people think, “Oh, this is actually good”

If your swag can’t do that, it’s time to rethink the item—not slap a logo on something cheaper